I’m the spokesperson for the “Don’t Go Through His Phone” club. My friends know this very well – trust me.
Most people don’t understand this logic because, well, obviously that’s how you know if he’s doing something he’s not supposed to be doing.
But my question is: why would I want to go searching for something I don’t want to find?
There are a number of reasons going through a significant other’s phone is based on flawed logic in my opinion, but we’ll just stick with three for now.
1. If I’m looking for something I don’t like, I’ll find something I don’t like.
I’m not at all saying you will find your S.O. is cheating on you if they’re not, but at this point, they don’t even have to be. Going through the phone is setting you up to either feel upset, insecure or dumb – you can’t avoid it. One of three things will occur:
- You’ll find something that hurts you and you’ll get upset.
- You won’t find anything, so you’ll feel dumb.
- You won’t find anything of real concern, so you’ll create another problem to avoid looking crazy.
The third one looks something like this:
“Well if you’re not texting any other girls, why are some of the messages deleted?”
“There’s probably something here then.” *Checks all direct messages on every social network*
“You weren’t texting anyone but why did you follow this girl on Instagram?!”
There’s no end, even if you don’t find anything. You’ll always think he just got lucky and that it’s only a matter of time that going through his phone will get him caught up.
2. I’m not going to do anything about it.
I fully intend to stay with him, so why am I trying to catch him in a lie? There is absolutely no point in calling someone out on their crap just to accept it. It would’ve taken less energy to accept it in the first place.
I’m not at all advocating for staying with someone who is hurting you, but if you have no plans to leave the man no matter what, what is all the extra emotional trauma doing for you?
3. The truth always comes to light.
You may think, “well it’ll be too late by that time!”
That may be true. But it always comes out, whether it’s in his actions, through the words of someone else or you seeing it with your own eyes … the day will come.
The point of this post is to say this: if you are truly enjoying your relationship and your S.O., enjoy it. To worry constantly that you’re missing something he’s doing is a waste of your time and happiness. Don’t be concerned that others know something he’s doing that you don’t know – who cares if they call you dumb for something you have no way of knowing. Take gossip with a grain of salt and have a mature discussion about it. Either decide to trust or taint the happiness you do have with constant worry.
My goal in relationships is to trust with the risk of falling flat on my face. That’s what love is, and that’s what it will always be, not matter how hard you try to fool-proof it.