Why I Don’t Want to Live With My Boyfriend

Wow, this probably sounds so strange. I bet you never thought you’d hear this coming from a learn-as-you-go, freedom-loving millennial.

I’m not really that kind of millennial. I’m actually quite the opposite. I love the idea of living with a plan (as much of a plan as I can have at this point in my life). I enjoy thinking about how to save myself from a couple crappy situations.

To me, this is one of the things I can control. Not necessarily the success of my relationship, but how I handle my relationship and my future.

So here it is:

1. We are not married.

Nor do we have plans to in the near future. Ahem…an engagement ring. This is the one and only reason I would like to wait until I have a fiance to co-habitate. I’ve thought long and hard about this because it’s something I feel really strongly about. My peers think I’m a little crazy, I think. I guess I just don’t see the need, and I’m not sure if it’s worth it.

My boyfriend and I live our lives separately together. Separately. Together. It’s possible. We have an unconventional relationship because we attend college in different cities, but it feels about the same as any other relationship. Even though I miss him like crazy and want to spend every moment with him, I don’t want to live with him yet.

When I refer to moving in, I don’t mean we won’t have boyfriend/girlfriend sleepovers. That’s our specialty. I mean really moving in together – sharing financial responsibilities, buying furniture together, getting a puppy, etc.

I want to save that for marriage, or engagement at the earliest, because I feel it is a step we can take as a couple when life calls for that. Marriage is a milestone in it’s own right, and moving in together is something I’ve always seen as a part of that milestone.

I don’t want to rush and I don’t want to force. Living together will not make us better (it’s hard to believe it can even get any better than this), and it won’t make marriage easier. “Test driving” the living situation occurs through our visits, our future vacations and other experiences together.

I’m not posing an all-out strike against my boyfriend by any means. I wish he could be here for everything, but at this moment in our lives, we are a young couple with a million dreams and goals for the future. We look forward to making things come true one step at time. Two steps at a time when it comes to marriage and moving in!

There are plenty of studies that explain the effect co-habitation has on relationships, and a plethora of research to combat those studies. I’m not the one to say what’s scientifically proven. This is in my heart.

Slow and steady wins the race.


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